Day Thirty - Late Night Snacks

After consuming 400 calories in snacks since dinner, I've realized something that I never did before.  I'm seeing more and more about my after dinner bad eating habits.  I don't know if I ever realized how many calories I consume at night.  I get hungry (for all of the unhealthy stuff) around 8:30 or later every single night.  Tonight, while I did stay under my 1500 calories/day, I ate 400 calories within a few hours of bed.  I immediately had that sense of regret.  How did I do this, was all that was running through my head.  I was so wrapped up in calculating the individual calories, I didn't even think to add up the total calories for all of the snacks I was "only having a little bit of."  That's how things slip in.  A little distraction (even being distracted by something that is good), can completely derail you from reaching your goal.  So, it's time to kick the late eating to the curb.  No more 400 calories in snacks before bed.  I'll just continue to remind myself that I am on a mission, and late night snacks will not keep me from losing my butter half.

I didn't eat enough calories at first, which led to me overeating on the snacks tonight.  I did exercise again, which always gives me confidence.  

Day Twenty-Nine - Weigh in #4 - Setbacks

I was worried this might happen.  After my stomach virus a week and a half ago, I thought some of my lost weight might come back on once I started eating again.  Pair that with eating fast food all weekend, getting no sleep, and sitting in a car for 30 hours, and you have my setback.  I weighed this morning, and even though I kept my calories under my max, I still gained weight this week.  I am up three pounds to 346.4.  So, still way down for my overall, and with no foreseeable trips coming up, I should be able to lose that and hopefully a pound more this next week.  I'm committed to working out on the bike each night.

I guess in my mind I would lose weight each week until I'd lost all of my weight.  I thought maybe there would be a week that I may not lose any, but it just didn't even cross my radar that I might actually increase.  But it happens.  I can't change it today, but by next week I can.  Sometimes when you're on a journey you have to backtrack to get to your destination.  That's what this week was.  Backtracking.  Now I've made my turnaround and I am on course to lose my butter half.

I have had a good eating day today.  I actually ate too few calories unintentionally.  So I need to be careful of that.

Day Twenty-Eight - Small Moments in Big Trucks

If you remember from my previous post, our car is waiting to be repaired.  My poor little car is sitting all alone in the parking lot at work.  I'm just hoping it is still there unharmed each morning.  During this time I rented a vehicle.  Being that I called enterprise last minute (they picked me up here at my house!) they only had a big Ram truck.  E was so excited to take the truck to church tonight.  So here is one of the conversations we had on the way to church tonight. 

E - I like how small this back seat is.  I can almost touch you. 

Me (reaching back and taking her hand) - I like it too Bug. 

E - You should buy a truck like this Daddy

Me - How would I pay for it?  Are you going to help me buy it with the money in your piggy bank?

E - No, you can buy it with the money your get from work. 

Me - You won't help buy Daddy a truck?

E - No, I want to keep my money.  At least until I'm big, like 11, then I'll use it to buy things. 

We had a quick lesson on money.  The basics of saving, spending, and generosity.  She is so smart!  We talked about giving to people who need it and how we give each month to church and missionaries as obedience to God.  We talked about how all money is really God's money and we just get to use it as He directs.

She really seems to grasps things well at such a young age.  I do worry about the things she hears and the responsibility I gave to guard her ears, her mind, and her heart.  This world is evil and dark so often, I want to protect her as long as I possibly can.  I want to be here for her and have more of these amazing conversations.  I can't wait for B to be old enough to have these types of conversations as well.  Regardless, this evening has made me think about my children. Tonight, it's for them that I am going to lose my butter half. 

Calories seemed good today.  The potato soup at lunch was delicious, but definitely too much dairy (and fat).  I was able to get a great ride on the recumbent tonight.  I'm hoping and praying for at least a couple pounds lost at my weigh-in tomorrow morning.  

Day Twenty-Seven - That Grass Isn't Going to Cut Itself

It's no secret in my household that I dislike yard work.  Honestly, if I never had to push the mower, edge the sidewalk, or weed the flower bed again I would be a happy man.  But, I'm a little anal about how the grass looks so I guess it's best that I just do it myself for now.  Because we went to Memphis, then I was sick, and then we went out of town to Michigan, I had let my yard go three-four weeks without cutting it.  Because we have had a dry September, the grass itself was not overly thick, but the seed at the top was very long.  It took two very full yard trash bags full of clippings (yes, I bag my grass.  I hate having clippings all over the place) and now I can relax.

The one positive about mowing is the exercise.  I wore my Fitbit one day while I mowed, and it tracked approximately three miles walked.  My yard is a small yard, so I opted to buy a mower that is not self-propelled.  I also have a great little electric weed-eater/edger.  Now before all you guys out there jump on me for using an electric weed-eater, know that I have always used big gas-powered Stihl trimmers.  I have no need for something that big, and I wanted the weed-eater/edger combo.  So I bought this little Black+Decker set back when we bought our home.  It is light, and has a long-lasting 20v battery, which gives me over an hour of use.  That means between my house, fence, drainage ditch, and edging all the sidewalks and driveway I still have power to use it with the blower.

So what does all of this talk about mowing the grass and lawn equipment have to do with losing weight?  It's all about the mindset.  For so long, I kept the "I'll lose weight some day" mindset.  Sure there were times that I would trim-up so to speak, but the weight always came back.  I had to realize that the weight wasn't going to lose itself.  I wasn't going to wake up one morning and suddenly be in perfect shape (still waiting for that spider to bite me and suddenly get into perfect shape like Spider-man).  So here I am cutting away at this extra weight.  The difference is, I'm not going to let it grow back like I do my grass.  This isn't just a trim.  This is a completely new landscape design and I am prepared to do the work and maintain the change.  The grass isn't going to cut itself, and neither will this weight lose itself.  I'm up to the challenge.  I'm losing my butter half.

Day Twenty-Six - Accountability is Key

Sometimes in life things get frustrating really quickly.  A normal day at work.  The clock strikes five and I shut it down and head for the car.  I climb into the car and try to put my key in the ignition.  This is where the trouble began.  The key would not go into the ignition.  After sitting in a burning hot car doing everything I know to fix the situation, I realized it was no use and called a friend/mechanic.  So now my poor little "Blue Car" (as E calls it) sits all alone in the parking lot at work waiting for the parts to arrive on Wednesday.

Let's walk through why I bring up what happened tonight.  I have always been an emotional eater.  When I get stressed or frustrated I immediately binge.  In college if I had a big test, I would put down the majority (if not all) of a pizza or a few McDoubles (and fries).  When money problems arise, we have car trouble, or Bekah and I are disagreeing on something, I turn to food.  It honestly isn't intentional.  If there is anyone out there that has done research about this, I would love to know if I'm right, but I think the emotions trigger something that makes me feel hungry.  I can have just eaten and feel beyond full, and then when something stressful hits, it's like I haven't eaten in hours.

So what was different this time?  How did I fight that false feeling of hunger?  This time I had a system in place that helped.  This time I had you, my faithful readers (at least according to my traffic data there are a few of you out there).  I am tracking my food as close as I can through myfitnesspal.  I knew that I would have to blog about my failure on here.  It really does boil down to the fact that this time I had accountability.  So right now I am so grateful for this blog.  I am grateful for myfitnesspal.  And I am grateful for you all out there in the blogosphere.  I am fully confident that it is accountability (along with the grace of God) that helped me persevere tonight.  And I am even more convinced that it is accountability that will help me lose my butter half.

Today's calories were good.  Still didn't get exercise in with was happened to the car.  I'm a little worried that sitting in the car and eating the unhealthy fast foods this past weekend might have set me back this week, I guess we'll see on Thursday.

Day Twenty-Five - Back Home

In the past four days we have driven over 1800 miles through five states.  We've seen a friend get married, seen old friends we hadn't seen in a long time, and spent quality (while very brief) time with Bekah's family.  Let me pause to say that if it weren't for Bekah's little sister being willing to sacrifice her weekend to help me out with the kids at the wedding, I would not have pulled it off.  I'd still be sitting in my hotel room trying to get myself, E, and B all ready for the wedding yesterday.

Needless to say, I am completely worn out.  Driving that many hours in under four days is simply more than I can handle.  I have definitely not chosen the best foods for my body either.  Just because I'm under my max calories does not mean that I feel good with the foods I've eaten.  I'm just wondering how everyone does it?  How can anyone stay under 1500 calories while eating out and having snacks on the road?  It is beyond me.  I probably could do without all the snacking if I had enough sleep each night before driving, but let me remind anyone who has forgotten, we have two kids.  Quality sleep is few and far between.

So what are my take aways from this trip?  I am way too impatient with Bekah and my kids.  Even though I have been doing well with eating, I am still addicted to french fries.  Having your wife pinch you really will keep you awake when you are about to fall asleep when driving at one AM.  Renting a car from the airport will save you hundreds of dollars on a rental.  Youth hockey players like to steal the luggage carts at hotels and not return them.  An iPad, Bluetooth headphones, and several episodes of Thomas and Friends can go a long way on such a long car ride.  Whoever decided to replace lime skittles with sour green apple is now my mortal enemy (seriously, it just throws off the whole flavor combination).  Also one major victory for me was that I was able to only eat half of my meal at a couple of meals and still be completely satisfied.  I used to would have eaten all of mine, plus the leftovers from E and Bekah.  It's awesome to see life change starting to stick in different areas.  

After a whirlwind trip it is great to be back home.  Back in my house, with my things (even though they are all still waiting to be unpacked), with my bed (where I am heading right now).  There is just something that can't be expressed enough about sleeping in your own bed.  Now for a good nights rest that will prepare me for another week of work, play, and losing my butter half.

Day Twenty-Four - The Wedding

I had the honor of being present while Bekah's best friend got married today.  It was a sweet ceremony, and I think one of the bridesmaids has a thing for me!  It was very special for Bekah because she had never been in anyone's wedding other than our wedding.  She was very excited to take part, and even more excited for her best friend.

When I go to weddings I am always reminded of the vows I took six years ago.  I can still remember waiting at the altar.  My best man at my side watching as each of the groomsmen and bridesmaids made their way down the aisle.  Then she walked through the doors.  The most beautiful woman I've ever known.  On that day her beauty was magnified.  I vowed to be here for her.  I vowed that I would never divorce her.  I vowed before God and all of the witnesses there that day my commitment to be faithful to this woman.

For me I haven't done a great job of the "in health" part.  I haven't taken care of my health to insure that I will be there for Bekah.  That's the point of this journey.  I want to be here for her.  I want her to have confidence that I care for her and love her.  I want her to know that just like I'm doing this for my children, I'm doing it for her.  So today, it's for my Bekah that I am losing my butter half.

Today's eating was AWFUL.  It is so tough to eat right while traveling.  I was really hoping to be under 1750, but I barely stayed under my absolute max for intake.  So, last travel day tomorrow and then I'll be back on my normal eating and exercising.

Day Twenty-Three - Jack Daniel's (Chicken)

I have grown to dislike traveling.  The long drives and having to eat at places where everything is so many calories tends to wear on me.  I think the only one who may dislike traveling more than me is B.  He hates being stuck in the car seat. For a baby who is usually a very pleasant child, he loses it when he is in the car seat. I honestly think the poor kid has spent more time crying while we are driving than not crying.  As a parent, it completely rips your heart out.  All you want to do is comfort the little guy.  Just pull him out and snuggle him.  The problem is, you can't do that while driving.  That would be dangerous to have your child out of the car seat while moving.  So, what you have here is a case where you choose moments of unhappiness for your child, even though it pains you also, so that you can have peace of mind that you kept them safe.

It's the same thing when losing weight.  We have to give up temptations.  As pleasing or satisfying as they may be, and as hard as it is on us emotionally, we know that it is healthy.  It is protecting us and our future.  Our cravings may fight.  The may scream and cry for hours on end.  But in the end, we know what we must do.  So next time you or I have a craving to just give up on our journey, let's remember B and how even though it feels completely awful to leave him in that carseat, it's the choice that could potentially save his life.  For me, it's the choice that will help me lose my butter half.

Eating wasn't my best today.  Three meals, three restaurants.  I did have a small victory in that each of my meals, I ate approximately half of my meal to help me stay close to my calorie goal.  Oh, and if you haven't been to TGI Friday and had their Jack Daniel's Chicken, it is awesome!

Day Twenty-Two - Weigh in #3 - Chex Mix, Gummy Worms, and Sunflower Seeds

So here I sit at 1:30 in the morning writing a blog post that I wanted submitted before midnight (so please excuse the poor grammar and spelling).  I don't like writing this late at night, but this could not have been avoided.  From 2:30 yesterday afternoon, until about forty-five minutes ago I have been driving, and driving, and driving.  We turned a seven and a half hour trip into a solid ten plus hours.  Now, there does need to be a disclaimer that each stop we took needed at least an extra half hour for B to feed.  Let me be honest, I do miss the days of just Bekah and I driving from state to state and making record time, but I will take extended time drives and having these two blessings any day.

Now let's get to the part all of you are wanting to know.  Did I lose any more weight this week?  Remember I've been sick, so I knew I probably would be losing a little more than a normal week.  Still, I will admit that I was very pleased with what I saw.  I am down another 7.8 lbs.  That puts me at a grand total loss of 22.8 lbs.  Now today's weigh in has another reason to celebrate.  I have officially hit my first weight-loss goal.  I am now under 350 lbs., weighing in at 343.4.  Now I am not to my next goal of 325 lbs.  I love having these goals.  They allow me to celebrate the wins, but keep me grounded for the next goal.  So, while I am celebrating my win on the scale today, I know that it is only a taste of the celebrating I'll do when I have hit that final goal, and have lost my butter half.

So today's eating was all out, had very little nutritional value, and even included Chex Mix, Gummy Worms, and Sunflower Seeds.  I know I stayed close to my caloric intake, but I usually have some fruit or veggies mixed in.  It is hard to eat right when traveling.  Especially if you are tired like I was tonight.  So here is to doing my best this weekend to make good choices.
*Oh, and if you haven't already tried Chick-fil-A's Egg White Grill, go pick it up in the morning (unless you are reading this on Saturday, because the next morning would be Sunday and we all know what that means).
**This recommendation is coming from a die hard spicy chicken biscuit fan who was very upset when they traded it for the new sandwich.

Day Twenty-One - The Habit

They say it takes twenty-one days to make a habit.  I've also heard it said that it takes twenty-one days to break a habit.  I'm not entirely sure who "they" are, and sometimes I wonder if "they" exist.  I honestly don't know where I originally heard this, but I'm pretty sure you've heard it before as well.  What I do know is that I am now finishing my twenty-first day of my journey.  This is huge for me.  That means for three solid weeks I have made drastic (and sometimes painful) life changes, and I am still here!  Well, there is at least 15 lbs. that didn't survive, but that is kind of the point isn't it?  

My question for each of you is what are some habits you are wanting to break?  What are some habits you are wanting to make?  It doesn't even need to be related to weight loss.  Maybe it's to stop biting your nails, or to stop swearing.  Maybe it's to start cooking at home or reading to your kids more.  Here are some of the habits I'm trying to create: Reading fifteen minutes a day for growth (spiritual and business).  Exercising every day (I had a good start, but lost it with being sick).  Going to bed each night before 10:00 PM (which means not writing my blog at 11:00 PM).  Getting up at 6:00 AM each morning (even on the weekends).  These are just a few.  I'm sure as this journey progresses, there will be more old habits kicked and new habits created.  The point is that the best way to make sure a change sticks is by creating and breaking habits.  So here's to the new habits of blogging each day and tracking my food.  Just two steps along my journey to lose my butter half.

So today's calories were in check, but it wasn't the best day.  I'm still having some after effects from being sick and the meds I took.  Still no exercising, and for the next few days we will be driving a lot.  We'll have to see if I have the chance to get a few workouts in.  

Day Twenty - Feeling Better

So tonight I am finally feeling better.  Thankfully I did make it to work today, although I was definitely sluggish.  There is nothing like when you finally feel better after being sick.  It's like the clear sky after a thunderstorm, or a bright sun when climbing out of a cave after wandering around lost.  It's a feeling of relief.  

I can only imagine that I'll have a similar feeling when I hit my final weight goal.  A huge sense of relief.  Knowing that I'm finally out of the storm  But after wandering around lost in a cave, you wouldn't go back in without a guide.  If you knew another storm was on its way you would change directions or find another route.  It's the same for this journey.  There has to be a plan in place for how I will avoid the storms and changes that could take me back to where I started.  That's why I like to say that this is a complete lifestyle change.  I am not just losing weight.  I'm getting rid of a huge part of me.  I'm giving up habits and choices.  I'm changing the way I think about food and exercise.  I know this is just the beginning, and it's when I'm a few months in that a lot of these old enemies are going to come knocking.  I also know that with grace and support, I'll be able to turn them away.  While I can't see the sunshine yet, I am seeing a few light rays flash through the clouds.  I can see that pin-point dot of light at the end of the long tunnel.  I know that it's these life changes that will not only help me reach my goal, but also keep me at my goal when I have finally lost my butter half.

I did eat a little more today.  Still a lot of light foods, but I did eat dinner tonight.  It was a delicious pan seared pork and zucchini.  No exercise yet, but I'll get back on that in the coming days.

Day Nineteen - Will This Ever End?

I am not a fan of being sick.  Seriously, I turn into the biggest baby in the world.  Especially when it's a stomach virus.  As you have already figured out, I am still sick.  I was really hoping to be past this by today.  I absolutely hate to take a day off of work that I don't have to take.  Today, I hardly even thought about it.  Most of the day has been laying in bed wishing I wasn't sick.  I was able to eat a little today, but after doing so, I'm feeling pretty rough again tonight.  Thankfully, it appears that B is beginning to get better and Bekah's dose of the ailment may not be as sever (but trust me, even the lightest case of this is completely miserable).  So here is to lying here nauseated with the hope that I will feel better in the morning.  I can't exercise while feeling like this, but at least I can't pack away the calories.  The one positive is that I know this won't be a hindrance on my journey to lose my butter half.

Rather than post my tracker for today (which is filled out), I will just type out what I've had.  A piece of toast with less than a teaspoon of butter spread, half a banana, Gatorade, Arby's Classic Roast Beef Sandwich (my go to when I'm having stomach issues), 10 Saltines, & water. 

Day Eighteen - Sick Day #2

So here I am at a the end of sick day number two. B also has this, and I think Bekah is coming down with it. At this point I'm just praying to feel well enough to make it to work in the morning  I don't have anything to share calorie-wise because all I've had is Gatorade, water, and a few saltines. Everyone keeps joking about losing a few more pounds "the hard way", but this is not the way I am trying to reach my goal. So here is to a good nights rest (hopefully), and to feeling better in the morning. We'll pick right back up where we left off on this journey to lose my butter half.

Day Seventeen - I'm Sick

Hey everyone. I managed to get a little under the weather here today. It's a bit of a stomach issue, so we won't go into details. Regardless, there are several things on my mind, but with the late hour we will have to hope they are still there in the morning. Prayerfully I'll be over this quickly so I can continue my journey to lose my butter half.

Day Sixteen - The Bug

I'm sure almost everyone has already decided that this post has something to do with finding a bug in our home and squashing it, or at least something related to an insect.  Well, there was a rather large cricket that surprised Bekah in the garage tonight.  She said, "Cricket!" and I immediately jumped into action and squished the life out of the poor little cricket.  But that is not what I am writing about tonight.  Tonight, I am writing about my little girl, E.  I have been calling her "Bug" since she was a little baby.  E Bug, Bug, or The Bug.  No she does not look like a bug.  No she doesn't act like a bug.  She is just my cute little girl who I affectionately call E Bug.  Her brother is "Bud" and sometime I'll have to write a post about him.

So tonight, it is very late (as usual) for me to be writing my entry.  I need to be in bed.  I have a men's conference at church as well as a quick family trip to see friends and family.  It will be a long day.  E has decided that she just isn't tired.  Since she shares a room with her nine month old brother, we can't leave her in there to wake him.  So she read books for a little bit in the recliner, and then joined me in my room.  "Will you read the sleepy sleepy book (So Sleepy Story - Uri Shulevitz)?" E asks.  I knew I needed to be blogging, but there are two things that went through my head (and my heart).  One, I want E to fall in love with books.  I want her to love reading.  It is becoming more and more rare to find kids who would rather read than watch TV.  The second thing is that I want to spend time with her.  She is already four, and I feel like it was just yesterday that she was ten minutes old and I was using FaceTime to show her off to my mom and dad.  So I spent time with her.  We read, reorganized the apps (90% hers) on my iPad, and then spent the rest of our time looking at pictures on my laptop.  We looked at some from when B was born, and some from when E was a baby.  

I treasure this time.  I love the way she lights up as each picture crosses the screen.  I can only imagine the way God gains pleasure in watching His children in their moments of joy.  It is moments like these that encourage me along my journey.  I know that losing weight doesn't guarantee me a long life.  God knows how long He has for me on this earth.  But if I don't do it, I know that I am only increasing my chances of not getting to see this little beauty grow up.  I also know that it limits my ability to enjoy and have fun with her.  I am excited about the energy and mobility that I will gain as I lose weight.  So tonight, I am reminded of my Bug, and it's for her that I am going to lose my butter half.

Eating today was good.  I was able to finish my calories around the 1500 mark, and got in a half hour on the bike.  Now for some good rest so I can get up early and join with brothers to learn more about my wonderful, merciful savior.